Black in Therapy...
October 08, 2020
By: Marasia T.
Sometimes to understand what you need, you have to better understand yourself.
I’m going to get straight to it. I go to therapy and I love it. I’ve been going to therapy regularly for 3 years. At times, that could mean weekly and other times it’s once a month. Since the pandemic, I started seeing a new therapist. This time around is different and not just because it is over Zoom.
So who here thinks we just sit on the couch and ramble about our day? I can tell you from firsthand experience, IT'S TRUE, until it’s not. Therapy is what you make it. What starts off as a so-called rambling session (which sometimes is needed) turns into unveiling a new level of understanding of who you are, if only for the moment. I’ve heard a lot of people say, “well nothing is wrong with me, I don’t need therapy.” I’m like me neither. LOL. While having a mental disorder is a major starting point for a lot of people, consider why they continue.
Like others, I started going to therapy because I was really struggling with anxiety to the point of considering leaving college. I went to therapy, we helped me to maintain for the next 2 1/2 years, and life went on. I graduated, took a break from therapy, then I found a new therapist in my city. Long story short, it was a lot of surface level but helpful breakthroughs, but it was time for something a little deeper. Now fast-forward to my new therapist. To give you guys a glimpse of how it goes, somehow we got to the topic of decision making. Yep. Just like that. You start off talking about one thing and “somehow” you end up somewhere else. She began to explain to me our different “minds.” She shares the information below.
1. Emotional Mind – Impulsive, make decisions based on how we feel
2. Reasonable Mind – Black and white; make decisions based on logic and facts
3. Wise Mind – A blend of the two; it considers the emotional and reasonable mind; heart and mind as they say
She then challenged me to consider recent decisions I had made and try to recall which mind I used. I recalled an “emotional mind” text that I didn’t send. I explained that I waited until I could include the emotional so as not to discredit my feelings, but I also combined it with the reasonable mind so I mentioned the facts. So 1 point for sound decision making, after overthinking.
I then recalled the decision I had recently beat myself up about. I had a million important errands to run and I felt completely out of it that day, but I tried anyway. After a few unfortunate events, including my pants ripping, I decided not today. Explaining to her the decision to go home I literally said “huh, I guess that was actually a wise mind decision.” I knew it was too much based on how I felt that day. I was already triggered and loading more on my plate. With my wise mind considering the emotional and reasonable mind, I let it be a problem for another day and went home and crawled in the bed. Discussing that decision with her and getting an understanding of how we make decisions equipped me with the confidence and coping skill to know and trust that I can make sound decisions even when I’m struggling.
Therapy helps us to get through our day to day lives from the way we make decisions, to trusting those decisions, to learning how to communicate more effectively, to understanding and fully accepting ourselves as we are. If you don’t like your first therapist, try another. I learn something new about myself each time, and I’ll be honest some things are hella uncomfortable and scary. Investing in my mental health was the best decision I ever made (definitely a wise mind one). Sometimes to understand what you need, you have to better understand yourself. That is what therapy does for me.
Marasia is the one of the co-founders of Just Be Tea Co. On a journey to find undisturbed peace she loves to intentionally experience people’s true essence, have tea time, be a plant mom, Just Be, yoga, and all things self-care.